The Jewish New Year has approached and I find myself living on the edge. I say this: 1. because our landlord thinks we're vacating at the end of the month (14 days) 2. because I have yet to find a new apartment 3. because in 5 months I will have to notify my school district in America of my intentions to return and 4. due to the status of my professional credentials and low salaries for psychologists in the public sector, life in Israel is anything but stable.
Before moving to Israel, I decided to leave a life of "stability." By the age of 30 I was a certified school psychologist and homeowner. I had left one school district after achieving tenure and moved to my local school district where the salary and commute were more favorable. I had a retirement fund, pension, and life insurance policy. And so it went for the next five years. Each year, without any of my own effort, my salary increased. My health insurance policy was superb allowing me monthly visits to the chiropractor and massage therapist. Stability+predictability+security at the time meant stagnation, monotony and boredom to me. Yet I had achieved the "American Dream" didn't I? So why was I so restless to abandon the lifestyle I had worked so hard to build?
After recently deciding to take the plunge and go through the Israeli immigration process, I am now part of a universal health coverage system that I still don't totally understand. I have something called a Karen Hishtalmut, (some type of retirement investment plan that I still don't fully comprehend), am part of the pension system (I think), and have some sort of insurance plan called Harel. For all I know my life here may be stable after all, considering I'll never go broke/go into debt because of college tuition or medical bills. I don't think the Ministry of Education will fire me because of budget cuts. In the meantime, I wake up each day acutely aware of the uncertainty of my life. When looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I find myself working to regain my security of resources for the first time in many years. But really? Not knowing where I'll be sleeping in just 14 short days is a little out of my comfort zone.
I supposed we aren't always aware of it but there is always a level of
uncertainty that creeps around the corner of life. Even when we think
we can calculate the risk our relationships, health, marriages, jobs,
and finances carry- a powerful force (the universe, g-d, mother earth
etc.) can decide to change the direction at any moment. So just 1 year after abandoning life in America, here I am living in Israel
contemplating whether I can afford to live in a 30 square meter
1-bedroom apartment by myself in the center of the country.
I often remind myself that I made the conscious decision to sacrifice monthly manicures/pedicures, massages, shopping for material items in order to have this middle eastern adventure. I'm totally ok with that. Though I still hate it, I've accepted street cats and cockroaches in place of squirrels and bunnies. I traded in my Toyota Matrix for a monthly bus pass. This makes perfect sense because of outrageous gas prices and limited parking. I squeegee up the floor after I shower instead of pull the plug in the bathtub. I take a number, wait to be called, and pay money to argue in Hebrew with bank tellers convincing them to perform easy transactions. Goodbye drive through free banking; there are no promotional freebies, coffee, and donuts welcoming me at Bank Hapoalim. Instead, there are pages of foreign jargon to sign over and over wasting trees and printer ink. So long Trader Joes. I will no longer be driving my car into your parking lot and loading up on groceries and loading out at my front door. Instead, I walk downstairs to the neighborhood fruit stands and grocery stores and fill my eco-friendly bags up with fresh, local produce. When feeling ambitious, I take the bus to the open market with my baggies or rent a car to drive to a neighboring town for American style purchasing. I have to admit; however, that I am a bit surprised how close to the edge I am actually living and I'm not quite sure about how I like this cocktail of anxiety, excitement, acceptance, and curiosity.
My entire surroundings have changed and will continue to change as I enter this New Year. Today marks the Jewish New Year and I smile and laugh at the irony. It's true, I have no idea where I'll physically be living in 14 days. I intentionally cut myself free of the years rooted in stability and ask myself how it feels living on the edge. It's scary and exciting to see what g-d has in store for this New Year.
